Waiting, waiting, waiting.....

Here we are, the night before our termination of parental rights hearing.  I'm trying to be calm, trying not to be anxious, trying to just be in the moment.....  Sometimes the harder you try, the harder it is.  I didn't sleep good last night, crazy dreams that had bits of reality woven into a web of insanity.  On one hand, we've waited so long for this day since starting our journey into foster care 2 years ago.  It's been even longer since we made the decision to be proactive about starting a family.  It was five years ago that we sought help with fertility issues only to be hurt and disappointed when nothing worked.  On the other hand, it's only been 7 1/2 months since we brought home Baby J.  The time has gone by so quickly that I'm afraid to blink and miss a precious moment. 

I feel as if I'm wishing time away, waiting for the day when Baby J is ours forever.  There will be no more case workers, no more home visits, no more worries about losing him.  At the same time, I can already see him changing, becoming more independent, learning new things everyday.  He's losing his tiny baby status and turning into a "big boy" before our very eyes.  We've been so blessed to be witnesses to this miracle. 

Randy was able to experience his first Father's Day yesterday.  How I've wanted him to be able to have that!  I put together a book of pictures with him and Baby J on Shutterfly with a poem about being a father.  Baby J and I also attempted to make a t-shirt for him with hand and foot prints on it, but I forgot how hard it was to do that with a baby.  I know that Randy loved it, anyway.  He can't wait to wear it.  He's a proud daddy; it's so obvious by the expression on his face!  I hope that we will always cherish these moments and never take for granted the gift we've been given. 

Tonight, I pray for peace-peaceful rest for all of us and a sense of peace that will surround us as we wait for our biggest dream to be fulfilled.  I know it is obvious by the title of my blog that Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favorite Bible verses.  I want to end my post with more of that passage.  Jeremiah 29:11-13 states, "'For I know the plans I have for you, ' says the Lord.  'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen.  If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.'" Psalm 37:4 states, "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desire."  Oh, Lord, let my greatest desire be drawing closer to You.  More than my desire for children, more than anything, let it be You.