Well, after waiting for several weeks for another phone call regarding more foster children, we heard about 2 siblings in a neighboring county that needed a home. The problem was jumping through all the hoops and red tape to get permission from our "home county" to take them. Finally, on July 1 we received word from the children's case worker that we would be able to take them. The little boy had just turned 2 and the little girl would be turning 3 on the day we received them. We had plans to go out of town for the 4th of July weekend, but we had to get permission to take the children with us. The caseworker got the trip approved, and we left for Mississippi on Friday afternoon, July 3rd. The first 2 1/2 hours of the trip were relatively peaceful because the children slept. However, once they woke up, the noise level in the car increased dramatically. At one point, Randy asked if I wanted to call my family to tell them we weren't coming. Needless to say, the children weren't great travelers. Maybe taking a trip the day after we got them wasn't the greatest idea. The weekend went by quickly, but the car ride back was just as long and noisy! I guess the saying "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it" certainly applies to this situation.
I've said to co-workers several times over the last week and a half that it's like breaking wild mustangs. The children are having to learn what appropriate behavior is such as not choking your brother, biting your sister, screaming at adults when redirected, etc. They are certainly different than having 1 child who was a baby. We have taken them to the park once and are trying to make plans for this coming weekend. I doubt we'll be traveling too far outside the city limits this time! :) There are times when I think they are settling in and getting better, but then bedtime comes and that changes very quickly. It's not the most fun part of our day right now. The little boy has had an ear infection since last weekend and did not sleep well. Anyone who knows me well knows that I don't function at full speed without at least 9 hours of sleep, but that didn't happen over the weekend. There have been mornings that I'll find him wandering through the house looking for Randy and I.
Finding and starting daycare has also been an adventure. I wanted one closer to home this time, but with the children being in foster care, the child care is paid with state vouchers. The time limit on how many hours the children can be in daycare each day is a maximum of 9, so I've had to rearrange my work schedule to be able to leave earlier. They seem to like going to school, but the morning separation has been hard for the little boy. The little girl separates better, but she still asks for her mother on a continual basis. We have the conversation several times a day about when she can see her again. This happens mostly when we have to redirect her inappropriate behavior.
We were told by their caseworker from the beginning that the children would most likely be reunified with their parents, and we're okay with that. We just didn't want to have an empty home until we are able to adopt a child(ren). We have finished our adoption paperwork through DHS and are scheduled to have our final home study this Friday. We are also looking into private adoption through an agency in town. I realized the other day that it had been a year since we started this journey. I don't know where the time has gone. With God's help, and the support of our family and friends, we know that we will eventually have our family.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Love, Grief and Loss
I never realized how quickly I could grow to love someone. Last summer my husband Randy and I decided to pursue becoming foster parents in the hope of adopting a child. We rearranged our schedules, took the necessary classes, endured strangers coming into our home to interview us and then prepared to wait for "the call". Our home was opened in the middle of October, but it wasn't until December 22nd that we would get the call that would change our lives forever. I was at work when my cell phone rang. It was a caseworker who wanted to know if we would take an 8 month old baby girl for foster care. I asked the necessary questions, even though it really didn't matter what the answers were. I knew that we wanted her, even though Randy didn't know about her, yet. I called him with the news, and I could tell that he was as excited as I was. The rest of the afternoon, I didn't get any work accomplished. Instead I spent it trying to locate baby items and borrow them from good friends and co-workers. We had basic baby furniture, but no clothes, diapers, bottles, car seat, anything! Everyone was very supportive! When I left work, I headed straight for Wal-Mart trying to think of everything I might need for a baby. I was on the phone with one of my best friends getting advice. When "little D" finally arrived that night, it just like we were new parents waiting for our child to be born. There is nothing like giving a first bottle, first bath in the sink, or singing the first lullaby. She was so good natured! She played in the floor with us for over an hour. We quickly discovered that she loved music. However, getting her to sleep the first night was quite the event. Not that she was upset or crying. She just wasn't tired. She was perfectly content to be held and look around at her environment. Finally, around 11:00, she went to sleep. I couldn't help but thank God for the opportunity He had given us to influence this child's life. What a wonderful Christmas present! The next few days were spent just enjoying her and the Christmas season. I was even able to take her to visit my family in Mississippi for a week after Christmas. Randy and I hestitated teaching her to call us "mama" and "dada", but that's what we were. Those are a baby's first words, after all, and she needed to be able to associate them with something. We loved her almost from the first moment we saw her, and we love her still. We went through teaching her to crawl, pull up, walk, drink from a cup, learn simple sign language, and say her first words. We celebrated Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, Easter and her birthday. Family grew to love her, as well. They enjoyed "talking" to her on the phone and receiving "kisses". We went to the park and took walks in the back yard.
We hoped and prayed that things would work out, and that we'd someday be able to adopt her. We didn't want to think about her biological family or what, if any, progress they were making towards reunification. On Wednesdays when she would go for visits with them, my heart would ache while she was gone. After her visits, she would be more clingy and not her usual happy self. She didn't sleep well for several nights after each one. We attended a staffing meeting with her parents, case worker, attorneys and the other foster family of her 4 siblings in April. It was awkward for us, because we weren't sure how we were supposed to react to the whole procedure. Still, we thought that surely everyone would see it was in her best interest to remain with us. It breaks my heart to think that this child has already been through so much, placed in foster care at six months and by the time we received her into our home when she was 8 months, we were her 3rd placement.
Our days were spent getting her ready for school, feeding her breakfast, taking her to work with me (which was a wonderful blessing), coming home and going straight outside for our afternoon walk in the backyard. She was definitely a "daddy's girl" when it came to outside. Then it was time for supper and playtime before her bath. The bedtime routine of putting on lotion and pajamas and getting a bottle were very precious.
However, on May 28th our world came to a screeching halt. Her caseworker arrived at our home without warning. She asked to come inside and "talk". She informed us that our baby girl was being moved to a different foster home to be with her siblings. We were in shock. No one had ever told us this was even a possibilty. We knew that she might eventually be reunited with her biological parents once they had completed the process for DHS, but we had no idea she could be moved prior to that. We cried, we begged, we pleaded, all to no avail. We called everyone that we could think of to call, only to be told, "it's a federal mandate to keep siblings together". For that last week, we tried to cherish every moment with her. It was so hard to try to keep everything normal for her sake while our hearts were breaking. On Friday, June 5th at 6:00, her case worker arrived at our house. She and Randy loaded her car with all of "little D's" things. Poor baby girl! I'm sure she didn't understand why we were crying. She probably just thought she was going on another visit.
The last 2 weeks have been spent crying, praying, remembering. We know that in our hearts she will always be "our first baby girl". We would not have missed out on one moment with her for anything. There are times when we can remember and smile, yet others are very painful. We never know when seeing one thing will bring back a flood of memories. Five and 1/2 months might not seem like a long time, but for us, it felt like forever. We know that right now, while we are grieving, there are many people who are praying for us. We can feel their prayers and support. We've been able to establish a relationship with her new foster family, which has been comforting. We're hoping that we'll be able to see her sometime in the next month or so. We take comfort in Jeremiah 29:11 which says, "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "They are plans for good, and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
We hoped and prayed that things would work out, and that we'd someday be able to adopt her. We didn't want to think about her biological family or what, if any, progress they were making towards reunification. On Wednesdays when she would go for visits with them, my heart would ache while she was gone. After her visits, she would be more clingy and not her usual happy self. She didn't sleep well for several nights after each one. We attended a staffing meeting with her parents, case worker, attorneys and the other foster family of her 4 siblings in April. It was awkward for us, because we weren't sure how we were supposed to react to the whole procedure. Still, we thought that surely everyone would see it was in her best interest to remain with us. It breaks my heart to think that this child has already been through so much, placed in foster care at six months and by the time we received her into our home when she was 8 months, we were her 3rd placement.
Our days were spent getting her ready for school, feeding her breakfast, taking her to work with me (which was a wonderful blessing), coming home and going straight outside for our afternoon walk in the backyard. She was definitely a "daddy's girl" when it came to outside. Then it was time for supper and playtime before her bath. The bedtime routine of putting on lotion and pajamas and getting a bottle were very precious.
However, on May 28th our world came to a screeching halt. Her caseworker arrived at our home without warning. She asked to come inside and "talk". She informed us that our baby girl was being moved to a different foster home to be with her siblings. We were in shock. No one had ever told us this was even a possibilty. We knew that she might eventually be reunited with her biological parents once they had completed the process for DHS, but we had no idea she could be moved prior to that. We cried, we begged, we pleaded, all to no avail. We called everyone that we could think of to call, only to be told, "it's a federal mandate to keep siblings together". For that last week, we tried to cherish every moment with her. It was so hard to try to keep everything normal for her sake while our hearts were breaking. On Friday, June 5th at 6:00, her case worker arrived at our house. She and Randy loaded her car with all of "little D's" things. Poor baby girl! I'm sure she didn't understand why we were crying. She probably just thought she was going on another visit.
The last 2 weeks have been spent crying, praying, remembering. We know that in our hearts she will always be "our first baby girl". We would not have missed out on one moment with her for anything. There are times when we can remember and smile, yet others are very painful. We never know when seeing one thing will bring back a flood of memories. Five and 1/2 months might not seem like a long time, but for us, it felt like forever. We know that right now, while we are grieving, there are many people who are praying for us. We can feel their prayers and support. We've been able to establish a relationship with her new foster family, which has been comforting. We're hoping that we'll be able to see her sometime in the next month or so. We take comfort in Jeremiah 29:11 which says, "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "They are plans for good, and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
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